A Whole New Meaning

I'm at home sick. Went to work for almost 4 hours and had to leave. I look like Rudolph from blowing my nose so many times, my ears are full and I feel like I'm talking in a barrel. Doctor gave me 2000mg of Amoxicillin yesterday when I went to the doctor, and told me to take Sudafed on top of it. I've got double ear infections and upper respiratory going on (luckily no strep throat!).


On the mom front, here's what's gone on over the last day or so. I haven't been able to go to the hospital (and it's KILLING me !) because I'm sick and we can't risk her getting anything. I've been calling around to local pharmacies to see if they sell hospital / surgical masks and 2 I've called don't. I'm going to call up to her floor at the hospital to see if they can give me a few if I go up this evening. Even with a mask and constant washing of hands and antibacterial stuff, I'm not going to do anything but poke my head in. Luckily when I was well Monday night, I gave her a hug and kiss. It may be another week or so until I'm fully well that I'll be able to do that.

They did the kidney procedure yesterday - don't know what the official name of it is. They put this 'coil' somewhere in the tube that flows to the kidney to restrict blood flow. Originally, we thought they just restricted all blood flow - but they said that would be really painful. She was in a lot of pain yesterday and doped up on morphine. I was able to talk to her this morning and she seems ok, but dealing with some slight after effect pain.

They were supposed to test her carotid artery yesterday on one side of her neck. The cardiac surgeon thought he may have detected a blockage when he was listening the other day and they just want to double check before surgery. IF something is found today, that will definitely delay surgery. Mom said she hopes it all comes out well, not only because she doesn't want to have to go through an additional surgery, but because she's mentally put herself out there and is ready for surgery tomorrow. We've all been on pins and needles since last week when we found out surgery was this Friday. We'd like her to go through it, make it through okay and start the slow recovery process (they're talking about having to cut the chest/sternum open if they have to do the bypass during surgery). Surgery will then be followed by chemo treatments.


It's literally been like living in H*LL the last few weeks and the closer it gets to tomorrow morning the worse I feel. The doctor asked that all family be in the waiting room (we don't know where or what waiting room at this point) by 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. Rob will be waking up Ethan tomorrow and ensuring he gets to daycare (and picking him up if I need him to). Her life is in the hands of someone much higher than us and the skilled doctors and surgeons tomorrow. Please keep everyone in your prayers and thoughts !

I hate doing these, but today warrants a bulleted list. I'm tired. First day back after 2 days off last week.

- Took Ethan back to his old daycare today. No problems. Got him in and me out the door in 10 minutes flat. He was glad to see his old friends.
- Work. Trying to catch up, but everyone checking on how I'm doing and my mom. Must get MANY things done before I leave Thursday evening.
- Left work at 3:15 to head to a dentist appt. Ethan was supposed to go with me, but because he's got a cold, I canceled his. I went. Nice- stress not only causes headaches, but apparently gum issues. I had my gums irrigated. Not bad - but not too fun in those irritated places.
- Home for dinner. Left Ethan with Rob while I headed to hospital. (6 p.m.)
- Got to hospital at 6:15 - left at 8:15. Dad and my sister were there too.
- Got home, Rob had washed dishes - left me pots and pans. Finished them.
- Ethan to bed.
- I'm checking email and relaxing a little bit before bed. What a day !

FIVE (5) doctors came to see mom today. The surgeon, cardiac surgeon, oncologist, cardiologist and radiologist. The radiologist goes first. He's doing the procedure to cut off blood flow to the kidney Wednesday and said the doctors haven't decided quite yet, but may also be putting in an 'umbrella or filter' in her upper neck to trap the clots incase they travel during surgery which he would do at the same time.
Mom's had so many phone calls and visitors - it's tiring her out and blood pressure getting high (for her). I told her she just needs to tell people she's tired and they're going to have to step out for awhile. They'll understand.

How are all of you doing ?!?

Labels: cancer

Ethan's sick (cough / stuffed nose / etc.). Which means, we'll be spending this morning at the doctor office (Patient First, I guess since no one else is open on Sundays). I'd rather take extra precautions to get medicine in his system. I'd like him to see mom later this week before her surgery...

Found this on another blog and it looked fun. And, would take my mind off other things.


MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? A. Panera

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? A. Carrabbas or the Boathouse (local restaurant)

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? A. 20% - unless it's horrible

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? A. grilled cheese sandwiches

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice? A. cheese and mushrooms

Q. What do you like to put on your toast? A. butter and apple butter


TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer? A. a picture of Rob and I (at work it's a picture of Ethan)

Q. How many televisions are in your house? A. three


BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed? A. right handed
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A. yes. tonsils and adenoids, tubes from my ears, and Ethan via c-section :)

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted? A. Ethan at the hospital yesterday to sit on my lap - he's 52 lbs !

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? A. no

BULL****OLOLY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? A. yes

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? A. I wouldn't...

Q. What color do you think looks best on you? A. aquamarine or red

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A. not that I know of

Q. Have you ever saved some one’s life? A. no

Q. Has someone ever saved yours? A. no


DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? A. no

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? A. no

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000? A. sure

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? A. definitely not

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? A. no, can you imagine the heart burn you'd have afterwards?

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? A. No

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket? A: I'm wearing pj shorts, don't have pockets

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? A: never watched it

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower? A: stand - sometimes I get lazy and sit down to shave my legs

Q: Could you live with roommates? A: no

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own? A: probably 15...

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops? A: last time I went to child support court and the sheriffs were there. I've never been in any sort of trouble and never had a traffic ticket either.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: I'm already grown. I'm a mom and full time engineering technician / Contract Administrator. Always thought I'd be a teacher or a nurse though.


LASTOLOGY
Q: Last Friend you talked to? A: Mom. This morning on the phone.

Q: Last person who called you? A: Rob last night to tell me he was on his way home.

Q: Last person you saw? A: Rob.


FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number? A: ???
Q: Season? A: Spring or Autumn.


CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone? A: Nope. He's right here with me (Rob).

Q: Mood? A: stressed, worried, emotional, upset

Q: Listening to? A: Rob taking a shower, Ethan in living room watching cartoons

Q: Watching? A: the cat look out the office window

Q: Worrying about? A: don't ask...

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning? A: bathroom

Q: What can you not wait to do? A: go back to work to a sense of normalcy - until Friday (surgery day) and get remarried and have another child

Q: What’s the last movie you saw? A: at the theatre? Alvin and the Chipmunks

Q: Do you smile often? A: yes

Q: Are you a friendly person? A: I'm told I am

Now your turn ! Leave a comment if you do this on your blog.

I spent my day like this:
- got up at 9:30 a.m.
- mom called from the hospital asking if I was up. I was worried. She was just bored and wanted to talk :) We talked for an hour! So nice to have a mom and daughter talk. I was in need of it too. She updated me on the doctor visits. One came last night at 6:30 p.m. and one this morning at 6 a.m. (and so didn't the hospital trash lady - at 3 FREAKIN' AM !!!!!)
- Mom had asked me to go change my grandmothers bandage on her toe. Got to my nanny's and my aunt/uncle had already been and taken care of it. However, helped my Nanny with a few dressing issues (she'll be 88 this May!) Then, she surprised me with enough money to pay for almost two months of Ethan's daycare - what a blessing (even though I didn't 'need' it - she said 'he's worth it' and it's not like I don't have it).
- Ethan and I stopped and got lunch.
- Ethan and I went to Food Lion and bought my mom a few things for the hospital (cereal since she doesn't like their breakfasts, bowls to eat cereal in and tic tacs since she ALWAYS has one in her mouth and a magazine to read)
- Went to hospital and spent 4 hours. Ethan stayed busy coloring, drawing and playing his hand held Leapster.
- Doctor came in and talked to mom as Ethan and I were about to leave. I stayed some more to try to calm her down and get her to eat the oh so yummy (end sarcasm) dinner (catfish, hush puppies and mixed veggies with lemon maringue tart).
- Doctor has rearranged his schedule, along with a cardiologist surgeon and another surgeon and urologist oncologist on his team. Here's their current plan. (she won't be going home as she had hoped before surgery)
-----> Sunday: checked out by another doctor on his team
-----> Monday: EKG (heart check up) by her cardiologist
-----> Tuesday: some test I forget...
-----> Wednesday: go to radiology for them to go in (almost like a
heart catherization) to cut off blood supply to the cancer
ridden kidney
-----> Thursday: cleansing of the colon, etc. to get ready for surgery
-----> early Friday AM: stop the heparin and coumadin blood thinners
-----> Friday: SURGERY - 5 hours. It will be quite extensive and
a 'very difficult maneuver' according to the urologist
oncologist (Dr Franks). If all goes well and she makes it
through okay, she'll be in ICU atleast 2 days and then in step
down for 7-10 days.
** He also informed me of everything: she has cancer in the right kidney, cancer in the upper lymph nodes in the chest, clots in the vena cava, small clots in the lungs and upper abdomen) They're new plan of attack is now no chemo until after surgery to get the cancer in the lymph nodes.... But, the doctor said the main thing is to get her to make it through the maneuver of getting the clot out of the vena cava. The blood loss can be anywhere from 1 liter to 10-20 liters.


I called Rob and I stopped by the house and picked him up. We went out to a nice dinner at a local Italian restaurant, Sergios. I had shrimp marinara, a glass of red wine and unsweet iced tea. Nice dinner and now home to rest. Tomorrow...up in the AM, over to cousins to hand over my old maternity clothes (she's expecting in August) and then up to hospital in evening (after getting some laundry done).


Hope you all have a wonderful weekend - and, stay warm !

Labels: cancer

Things that are making me happy (even at this terrible time):

- being in a loving & meaningful relationship

- having a son that is mushy and doesn't mind giving 'Eskimo' kisses (with your noses) and hugs

- becoming closer with my dad during all of this (I actually got a hug, kiss and I love you from him the other night - something I haven't heard since I told them I was pregnant with Ethan)

- iced tea (always a comfort)

- knowing I'm not reverting to my old eating while being stressed out

- I've lost 7 lbs (last check 2 weeks ago ; need to get back on the scale !)

- my jeans were loose today and almost fell off my hips (forgot to put a belt on and didn't realize I've lost that many inches!)

Ethan and I headed to the hospital after a quick lunch out after his daycare. He did wonderfully for his first time visiting the hospital.


He didn't want to get near my mom ('Grandma') at first because she was in a strange bed and had things coming out of her (just an IV). But, I took him over there and put him in the bed with her and he lightened up. But, he still stared at the IV like it was something foreign.


The doctor FINALLY came in that will be taking care of her now (a general oncologist). She's currently on 'Heparin', a blood thinner and they'll be adding on 'Comadin' another thinner. It seems that the 'stuff' in the vena cava isn't cancer, but instead it's a clot and the clots have broken off into little clots in her lungs and abdomen. But, it seems that this is also part of kidney cancer and par for the course, unfortunately. They also want to start her on chemo ASAP. She'll start off with a pill form called Nexavar which is relatively new (or had the option in an injectable kind - none of the IV drip stuff is used regularly for kidney cancer). One doctor mentioned a biopsy (since they haven't done one), but this doctor didn't. At this point mom said she's just going to do what they want her to, that it's their field of speciality and she's not going to question it.


Anyways, I'm heading back to the hospital tomorrow afternoon sometime. She'll be in over the weekend into the first of next week as they monitor the blood thinners, etc.

Labels: cancer

I'm not one that likes to ask for things. But, I'm making an exception. I'm asking everyone to continue praying for my mom and family.

I was at work yesterday and it was about 5 minutes until time to pack up and leave for the day. My caller ID showed my parents home phone #. It was mom. She said, you need to come get Ethan. I'm thinking Ethan's sick, etc... she said she had gotten a call back from the oncologist that she needed to go to the emergency room and get put on blood thinners immediately. I sobbed - and truth be told, I have no clue how I left the building, got in my car and made my way out of downtown and on I-95 towards their house so quick - 15 minutes. I sat and talked with mom and dad until my sister got home from work about 10 minutes later. I had to take Ethan home and Rob was going to watch him - but, mom said you know how ER's are and space for people and no sense of you doing that. So we all cried, hugged, said I love you's - but it was when my mom bent down to hug Ethan and say 'Bye, Grandma loves you' that we all lost it. Ethan started crying.

I'm trying to get Ethan to understand what the hospital is and have told him Grandma is really sick and the doctors have got to take really good care of her to get her better. But, he doesn't seem to really grasp the concept. This afternoon when I pick him up from daycare (12:15) we're heading to the hospital. They're talking about having to put her on chemo first- but the oncologist that will be taking over her care has to see her first. One doctor did tell her they'd probably put her on the pill form chemo where she won't lose her hair (mom doesn't care either way - her hairdresser also makes wigs, so that's an option if it gets to that point).

Unfortunately, cancer isn't new to me. My ex-husbands father died of liver cancer, my mom's dad (my Papa) had cancer and recovered but then later died of emphysema (about 3 years ago) and mom's had issues in the past too. I don't know if they'll be doing the surgery on the planned date now or not.

Better get going have to get some personal stuff taken care of before I pick up Ethan. Took today and tomorrow off in order to get his daycare situation straightened out and to get mom through this inital hospital visit.

Welcome back. I'm hoping to use this as an outlet.

If you've been keeping up with me on Flickr over the last (almost) year, and moreso recently (and listed as a friend/family) then you know my mother was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer.

This news was a bombshell to me, my sister, my father and my mother. She was feeling pretty good - except for ongoing backpain since last July. No doctors had been able to find a problem. She passed a kidney stone a few weeks ago and made an appt with a urologist to get a cat scan to ensure she didn't have any more. The news came back that she had a tumor on her kidney (as in external). They sent her to a oncologist (cancer doctor - and one that specializes in cancers of the kidneys/bladder, etc.). That doctor appt was last Wednesday. I was at her house picking up Ethan when she got home from her appt. It wasn't good. It was devastating news...

This blog will be my outlet during her surgery, recovery (hopefully!!) and a place for me to reconnect with my online friends that have been there constantly over the years through all my other heartaches, successes and life happenings.